


Different Needs

by SosaLola



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4499871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SosaLola/pseuds/SosaLola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander can't handle being the Zeppo anymore, can Giles help him become a-somebody? Will Giles ever see him as more than just an aggravating little boy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Different Needs

  
 by [](http://bl-graphics.livejournal.com/profile)[ **bl_graphics**](http://bl-graphics.livejournal.com/)  

 

 

  
  


**Different Needs**

 

**Part One:**

  
  
  
  
  
  
Enough. No more.  
  
He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't be the 'useless' member in this team. Yesterday was bad enough with Buffy trying to find the nicest way to send him home without hurting his precious feelings. But having Cordelia confront him this morning about his worthlessness in front of his friends was just too much for him to handle, especially with his friends trying to tell him otherwise without denying Cordelia's accusations.  
  
This time he had to take this issue more seriously. It wasn't like Cordelia was wrong. He knew he was the least useful member in the group. Everyone had a specialty of their own. Buffy was the Slayer, Giles was the one with the source of knowledge, Angel was the muscles, and Willow was the hacker and the wanna-be-witch. Oz, even though he matched his normalness when he wasn't a werewolf, was much smarter and a better fighter than him.   
  
He had to do something about this.   
  
Now.  
  
Xander pushed the library's doors open. "Giles!" he called.  
  
Giles jumped, startled, the book in his hand almost fell to the floor. He clutched the book tightly preventing any chance of it falling. Appearently, it was very old and rare. Fixing his glasses, he turned his angry eyes to Xander standing in the middle of the library.  
  
"Do be careful, Xander! This is not…"  
  
"I want you to train me," Xander interrupted.  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"I want you to train me. Teach me how to fight, like you do with Buffy." Xander held the other man's eyes with a strong look that he hoped made him appear older and far more confident than he felt.   
  
Giles didn't give Xander's unusually hard gaze any consideration. He shook his head, opening his book again. "I don't think I can help you with that."  
  
"Why?" he asked, eyes narrowed.   
  
"Because I don't think you should be trained."   
  
"And why is that?" Xander asked again, this time his voice rose in irritation.   
  
"Because it's ridiculous!" Giles snapped, exasperated. A pang of guilt slapped him when he noticed Xander's shocked, wounded expression that lasted a second. He took a deep breath to cool himself a little, and then looked at Xander and said gently, "I train Buffy because she is the Slayer. It's her destiny to fight the forces of evil. You should be worrying more about your grades…"  
  
"What grades?" Xander exclaimed. "You mean for college? Giles, I was rejected from every college I've applied to. It's too late."  
  
"It is never too late, you could…"  
  
"Giles," Xander caught him off for the third time, firmly. "I don't care about grades or college right now. I just want you to train me."  
  
Xander stared at him for a long time, wanting to hit something. Why was it so hard for Giles to take him seriously? Why was it so hard for him to see how important this was to Xander?  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
There was no time for this now. Giles had to work harder on more important matters like the Mayor, Faith's betrayal and Wesley's annoying presence. The last thing he needed was another burdon.  
  
He sighed in annoyance and looked back at his books, pretending not to listen. He couldn't risk bringing Xander into this road when he could have a normal life away from dangers he shouldn't have been subjected to in the first place.  
  
"Giles, please."  
  
Giles was disturbed by the desperate tone. He had never heard such a tone coming from Xander before. He looked back at Xander to find what he had picked up from his voice showing on his expressive face.  
  
"This is important. I want to help Buffy. I want to become something more than who I am. I want to make myself better. Please." The itching pleading and helpless need that reflected Xander as whole had gotten into Giles. Perhaps, he should consent to his request. It was the first time he had ever seen Xander like this.  
  
"I think a day of this won't hurt after all. Tomorrow, once you finish with your classes, we shall begin. But it will only be for tomorrow," Giles stressed on the last sentence.  
  
A child-like gleam spread over Xander's face. He bounced towards the table, grabbed a book and pretended to research with a huge silly grin in a show of grattitude. Giles shook his head at him, amused.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
"Giles!"  
  
Giles turned his attention from the book in his hands to Xander, who had just dashed into the library. "Classes are over. C'mon, let's start!" Enthusiastically, he headed to the weapons' hiding place.   
  
Giles stared at him, befuddled. "Start what?"  
  
Xander came out holding a broad sword clumsily. "Training," he answered.   
  
"Oh." Giles remembered. He had forgotten his little conversation with Xander yesterday. He hadn't been expecting Xander to bring the subject up once more. Nevertheless, Giles wasn't much in the mood to train him. Recalling the gleam in Xander's eyes yesterday when he promised him, Giles pulled himself up reluctantly and placed the book on the table. With a bored sigh, he turned to face Xander who was having extreme difficulty with holding the sword.   
  
Shaking his head, Giles approached him and took the heavy sword with a steady hand, managing to lift it up easily.   
  
Wide eyed, Xander gazed in disbelief at him. "How are you doing that? I mean you're old."  
  
At Giles' annoyed look, he continued, "-er than me. A LOT older than me. I'm supposed to be physically stronger here."   
  
"You have a strange idea about age and physical strength," Giles muttered sarcastically. He held the sword in front of Xander. "Confidence," he stated firmly.  
  
"What?" Xander asked, confused.  
  
"You lacked balance when you held the sword and that's due to your lack of confidence. Be sure of your strength before you engage in a battle with the enemy." Xander looked at him in amusement as if he hadn't expected that Giles would take training him  _this_ seriously.   
  
"Why did you choose this weapon?" Giles asked, exasperated.  
  
"Uh… huh?"  
  
Giles swung the sword harshly in front of Xander causing him to stumble backwards with a yelp. "I want a straight answer," he commanded. Xander's eyes stopped gazing fearfully at the sword and looked up at Giles warily. "Now, why did you choose this sword? Why not a crossbow, for instance?"  
  
"B-because it's Katana's trademark weapon?" At Giles' frown of disapproval, Xander stammered, "Because it's the hardest to use! I mean I can practice using a crossbow on my own, but a sword? It needs a teacher."  
  
Giles nodded. "Alright then, let's work on the basics first." He walked towards the table one which he placed the board sword.   
  
"I don't want to work on any basics," Xander dissented, standing up. "I want you to show me some secret techniques."   
  
Giles turned around facing him. "You need to learn certain basic concepts in order to develop to your highest potential," he reasoned. "You can't learn all the secrets to sword fighting on the first day."   
  
"But there won't be time to learn some secret shots! I mean this is our only session," the last words were spoken in a grumpy murmur.  
  
Of course, they couldn't learn everything in one session. However, Giles didn't have time to waste on teaching Xander how to fight when there were more serious matters at hand. He chose to ignore the soft mumble. "Without good grounding in the basics you will not be able to perform these shots effectively, especially against more experienced fighters. Now, shall we begin?"  
  
Xander nodded quietly.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
It was almost seven o'clock at night. Giles watched as Xander still practiced swinging and thrusting the sword from the different angles he had taught him. The sweat covered his forehead and collar, his breath turned into pants, but he still kept on performing.   
  
Giles was impressed. Xander was actually quite skilled in some areas yet completely incompetent in others. Still, he tried his hardest, and, even though Giles had spent a great deal of the day rolling his eyes, he had gained a newfound respect for Xander.  
  
Since he appeared to be very serious about learning, Giles considered training him with Buffy. There was no harm in that especially if it meant more of that delightful gleam he noticed in Xander's eyes whenever Giles complemented him on doing a good job. He smiled at the memory for a second.   
  
"I believe we should stop now, Xander."  
  
Xander kept on swinging his sword from the elbow, which was something he needed to work on more. "But I'm still not good enough," he complained.  
  
"And you will never be if you keep on practicing when you're worn out."  
  
"I'm not tired. I can't stop, this is our only session."  
  
With the emphasis on this information, Giles couldn't resist asking, "Why don't you take some sword-fighting classes if you really want to learn?"  
  
"Classes require money."  
  
Giles narrowed his eyes. "You don't have enough money?"  
  
"I do," Xander answered. One thrust forward and then he stopped and turned looking at Giles. "But I've saved all the money I have for my road trip after high school."  
  
"You're going to take a road trip?" Giles asked bemused.  
  
Xander grinned. "Yep, doing what cool graduate kids do these days." The grin lessened as he added, "If I survive graduation, anyway." He looked down at the broad sword in his hands. "And I want to be more practical when that time comes."  
  
"You will. I might consider training you with Buffy from now on, that's if you keep on improving."  
  
Xander's eyes widened. "Really?"  
  
"Again, I repeat the words 'might' and 'improving'. However, I think now you should head home…" A low grumble coming from Xander's stomach made Giles trail off. He smiled. "Are you hungry?" Of course, he was. All that training must have given him an appetite.  
  
Xander sheepishly looked at his stomach. "Yeah, I was kinda excited about the training that I skipped lunch period."   
  
"You haven't eaten?" Giles gasped.  
  
Xander nodded, embarrassed.   
  
Giles looked at him in astonishment. The fact that Xander had overlooked food for this session showed how desperate he was for this.   
  
Xander coughed to break the awkward silence. "I think I should get back home before it gets too late. Thanks for everything." He placed the sword on the table and grabbed his backpack from the floor.  
  
"You know," Giles started when Xander was about to exit. "Why shouldn't we visit a restaurant? I'm quite exhausted by our training myself."  
  
Xander half turned to look at him. "A restaurant? Isn't that a little fancy?"  
  
"If you'd rather go home to see what your mother made for dinner then it's alright."  
  
Xander burst out laughing. However, at Giles' confused look, he stopped quickly. "You know, a coffee shop is just fine."  
  
"But you haven't eaten all day."  
  
"It's fine, I can catch my mother's… cooking at home, anyway."  
  
Giles noticed the pause but didn't pay much attention to it. "Alright, if that's what you want."  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
"You know when I said restaurants are fancy? This coffee shop is even fancier," Xander commented as he looked around the best rate coffee shop a person could find in Sunnydale. He wondered if it was a British thing to choose the classy places only.  
  
The good-looking waitress brought them their coffees and asked if they wanted anything else. Giles looked at him and he shook his head. The waitress explained that the sandwiches they had ordered were coming soon and left with a polite smile. Xander was about to take a sip of his coffee when he noticed Giles 'spiking' his own.  
  
"What are you doing?" Xander hissed looking around afraid that someone must have noticed. He stared at Giles' coffee in shock. "Can you do that here?"  
  
"Yes," Giles answered simply.  
  
Xander shook his head. "For a stuffy librarian, this is very impressive."  
  
Giles smiled, drinking his coffee.  
  
"What's that for anyway?" Xander asked.  
  
"Life as a watcher… one ought to relax now and then."  
  
Xander nodded understanding. "I guess training Buffy can be a little tiring with her not following your instructions and…"  
  
"Buffy is a special girl," Giles interrupted softly, wearing a proud expression on his face.  
  
"Totally!" Xander exclaimed watching as Giles drank his coffee. He knew how affectionate Giles felt about Buffy. She was more than just his charge. Or not. Now that Giles was fired, Buffy was not his responsibility anymore. He wasn't sure she was Wesley's either.   
  
Xander wondered if someone ever said that he was special in this fond way before. He cleared his throat to draw Giles' attention. "So when did you start thinking about being a watcher?"  
  
Giles raised his eyebrows. "You're interested about that?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "Just making conversation."   
  
Giles placed his empty cup on the table. "My father always wanted me to be one actually. He was a Head Watcher back at the Council."  
  
Xander choked on his coffee and coughed a little. Once he composed himself, he stared at the English man in shock. "Your father was a watcher?"  
  
"Yes." Giles looked at him amused. "Don't tell me you never thought of it before."  
  
"Well, I don't do much thinking if you haven't noticed. I just wait for people to tell me what's the what." He pulled on his infamous goofy grin.   
  
The waitress came back with their sandwiches. While Xander ate, he listened to Giles talking about his life in England. He talked about the guys who badly influenced him in university, how Giles' differences with his father led him to follow Ethan and the others' dark path. Xander wondered if Giles' father hadn't demanded his son to become someone he didn't want to be, Giles would have probably never been driven to the wrong path.   
  
It appeared that Giles had had a hard time adjusting to the whole watcher thing. Even though Giles didn't say anything, Xander guessed that it had taken him years to get the hang of the basics. If Giles was the same street kid after the candy incident, Xander could perfectly picture his first years at the Council. Those watcher trainers must have had a hard time teaching badass Rupert Giles.   
  
They had finished eating for sometime now but neither had noticed the time passing by. Giles kept talking and Xander was excitedly listening. It was the first time he had this talk with Giles. He came to a realization that he and Giles had never really talked with each other about personal stuff before.   
  
Eventually, Giles had chuckled. "I have been talking about myself for a while. Why don't you tell me about what's happening with you lately?"  
  
"There's nothing happening with me lately. My life is as boring as, well… apparently not yours."   
  
Giles smiled and looked at his empty plate.  
  
It was not really true. Xander had many issues he should have talked about with someone, like his break up with Cordelia, his shaky friendship with Willow, the horrible incident with Faith, but he never really talked about his problems with anyone. He was not used to talking about his problems, which was one of the reasons no one really knew what went on in his home.  
  
Home!  
  
Xander fretfully glanced at his watch. Oh shit! He was supposed to be in his room, with his door locked, before the folks were back from whatever place they boozed in. Why else would he turn down an opportunity to eat in a big restaurant for a coffee shop? He thought an hour or less in a coffee shop would not hurt and he would still have time to get back before they returned. Unfortunately, being the screw up he was, he had spent a whole two hours. Now his parents were probably home fully drunk and yelling at each other, and if he showed up, he would completely get in the middle. No matter how he would try to avoid them. What should he do?  
  
Giles noticed how tense he was. "What's the matter?"  
  
"I'm… I…" what should he say? He had never talked about this with anyone. Jesse, Willow and Cordelia had figured it out on their own. Not that they knew how a life with drunken parents could be like, hence them not doing anything about it. He sighed. It wasn't fair talking about them like that.  _He_  didn't give them a chance to help him.   
  
Did he just use the word 'hence'?  
  
"My dad… he has this rule about coming home before 9 o'clock, and now it's passed that." Someone's pants were on fire. Man, it wasn't like he never lied before. But for some reason he felt uncomfortable lying to Giles. The whole thing felt like a burden. A must. Something he vowed to do for the rest of his life. So far he had no problems with hiding. Except this time, deep down, he had this compelling urge to tell this man about it all.   
  
Giles nodded understanding. "And if you didn't return before that time, you would sleep outside."   
  
Xander forced a smile. "Exactly."  
  
"Well, since it is my fault you are late, why don't you come to my flat? You can sleep on my couch," Giles suggested.  
  
Xander blinked at him. "You want me to crash over?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But I thought you liked your privacy."  
  
"Well, it's either that or looking for a motel room. Assuming you have any money." Giles' cynical tone held some kind of warning that had Xander's instincts jumping at once.  
  
"Couch is good." He grinned nervously.  
  
Giles smiled. "Alright then."  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

 

  
  


****


	2. Different Needs

**  
Part Two: **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Giles drove while listening to Xander prattle about his forthcoming road trip on their way to his flat. Usually that would drive him mad, which had to do with Xander's aggravating way of expressing himself. However, now he couldn't help but smile. Perhaps it was because Xander had listened to him talk about his life earlier.   
  
A man, unexpectedly, ran in front of the car. Shocked, Giles rapidly pressed on the brakes. Everything was going fast and he felt the car almost lose balance. In the end, everything settled down into silence. He opened his eyes and noticed they were in the middle of the street with the car stopping in the opposite direction of the road. He quickly turned to Xander. "Are you alright?"  
  
Xander's eyes were firmly shut. He slowly opened them and looked around as if checking on their situation. After that he turned to Giles, grinning. "Benefits of seatbelt," he said pressing on his seatbelt.  
  
Giles smiled. "Well, we're thankfully…"  
  
"Oh God," Xander interrupted him looking at something behind Giles.   
  
"What?" He turned around following Xander's gaze and saw the man running with a demon chasing him. Giles recognized the demon immediately. It was a Wahshaj, the western kind. It was green and far slobberier than the eastern kind, whose color was more emerald. Wahshaj demons were like vampires when it came to feeding on human blood and being killed by aiming at their hearts. However, they were bigger and could be killed with anything penetrating their hearts and not just wood.   
  
"Let's go," he ordered.  
  
Immediate, he and Xander got out of the car. Each one grabbed a crossbow and headed to where the demon was about to catch the man. Giles aimed his crossbow and shot the demon in the shoulder. The Wahshaj turned heated golden eyes to Giles. Glad for the distraction, the victim ran away faster than a wink.   
  
Giles could feel Xander anxiously drawing closer to him. That alone gave him a new and strange sense of protectiveness he had never felt towards Xander. A feeling he had never had since Jenny was attacked in the library by Ethan and his old chums last year.  
  
The demon was slowly approaching, bringing Giles back to reality. He made sure his wooden arrow was pointed at the demon's chest. Out of the blue, the Wahshaj jumped the distant between it and Giles in a swift second. That action shocked both Giles and Xander, and Giles hastily shot his arrow but it didn't even hit the demon. The Wahshaj heavily landed on Giles knocking him down and causing him to lose his crossbow.   
  
Out of breath, Giles looked at Xander and choked out, "Hurry! Hit him in the heart!"  
  
He didn't even finish his sentence when Xander ran towards the demon and Giles knew what the foolish boy was about to do. "No!" he yelled.  
  
Xander threw himself fully on the demon's back, pulling him backwards away from Giles. His crossbow fell almost on Giles' face if Giles hadn't quickly moved his head away. After thanking the Lord for his mercy, Giles watched as the demon grabbed Xander harshly, digging its spiky claws in the boy's flesh. Xander screamed, anguished, before the Wahshaj threw him violently at a tree.   
  
Before the demon's attention returned to him, Giles grabbed Xander's crossbow and horridly aimed for the heart. The demon howled in pain before falling on Giles. More unpleasant information: unlike vampires, Wahshaj demons did not turn into dust when killed. And they were ridiculously heavy.   
  
Giles tried to breathe but the heavy weight was blocking the air. The only free parts of his body were his legs and they were very much kicking with no use.   
  
"Giles!" He heard Xander's yell and after few seconds, he was able to breathe again. He inhaled the air sharply trying to push away the dizziness.  
  
Xander irritatingly laughed while helping him up. "Man, so glad I didn't have a smelly slobbery…"  
  
Giles aggressively yanked his hand out of the brunet's. "Idiot," he spat.  
  
Xander looked at him startled. "Huh?"  
  
"Are you utterly dense? Throwing yourself so clumsily at a large demon is the most foolish and irrational act I have ever seen. What were you thinking?"  
  
Xander's shocked look gradually changed into a grimace. "Sorry my attempt at saving your ass didn't meet with your high standards. Next time I'll remember to let the demon smash your head to pieces."  
  
Giles closed his eyes, heaving a suffering sigh. "I'm just saying you should not let your fear control your actions in a fight. You have to use your mind, Xander, even in a drastic situation."  
  
"Oh sure, so next time I'll take my sweet time thinking of the best way to attack the demon while it's ripping your heart out." Xander raised an eyebrow.  
  
Giles took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Dear Lord, what have I done to deserve this?" He put his glasses on and looked at the annoyed boy. "What did you expect to happen when you threw yourself at it?"  
  
"I didn't expect anything, just wanted to get him away from you," Xander said honestly. "I'm not sure what's gotten up your ass, Giles. I saved you."  
  
"No, I saved us. Think Xander, if your crossbow hadn't fallen near me, I wouldn't have been able to kill the demon. Therefore, it would have killed both of us. But if you'd done what I told you to do, you would have killed him and not…" he took Xander's bleeding arm into his hand, "get yourself hurt like that."  
  
He stared at the arm for a second. Unfortunately, he didn't remember the effect Wahshaj demons' claws left in a human. He tensely persisted, "However, what's done is done. The demon is dead and your arm doesn't look good. We must take care of the wound."  
  
They grabbed their crossbows and climbed into the car. Giles had just started the engine when Xander's hesitant voice started, "I'm sorry I screwed up out there."  
  
Giles looked at him and found him staring down at his arm looking rather disappointed of himself. "It's alright," Giles said with a sigh. "You acted out of heart and didn't think about the consequences." He paused before he went on, "Thank you."  
  
Xander turned to look at him in surprise.   
  
"Thank you for risking your life like that for me. I really appreciate it," Giles said sincerely. He watched Xander's lips emerge into a huge grin before he looked down appearing uncomfortable. Giles could see the red color that spread over the boy's ears and for some reason he felt his heart softening.  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
Giles' eyes opened in the dark. He rolled over in the bed and gazed at his alarm clock. It was 2 o'clock in the morning. He hated waking up at this hour or, precisely, he hated waking up before 6 o'clock, for it was usually harder for him to get back to sleep. Typically, whenever he woke up in such time he felt a little thirsty. He gathered himself and rose up the bed.   
  
Such a chilly night. He shuddered slightly and wore his robe. Going out of the bedroom, he stopped at the toilet first. After that he went straight to the kitchen.  
  
Opening the fridge, he heard a soft snoring in the living room area. He quickly turned around, alarmed, and found nothing. Hearing a sleepy sigh, he remembered Xander was sleeping on the couch. He shook his head at his idiocy and took the juice carton. He filled a glass and drank thinking of the last time he had someone sleeping over. Jenny's body lying on his bed lifeless flashed before his eyes.  
  
He put the glass down and stood dejectedly for a minute. His life had been quite empty after Jenny passed away. Even when Buffy came back, not as cheery as she used to be, but still with her delightful presence he thought his life would get better. And it did. He always enjoyed having those children in the library chatting about trivial subjects while he reminded them of more important matters to worry about. However, at night, once he left to his dark flat, he was always reminded of how lonely and empty his life really was.   
  
His eyes suddenly caught part of the comforter that Xander used on the floor in front of the couch. He frowned thinking that it wasn't supposed to be on the floor, it was supposed to be covering the lad up. But he wasn't able to see Xander, now was he?   
  
He walked to the living room and stood by the side of the couch, and then he shook his head. Xander was curled into a shivering ball in the couch while the comforter was on the floor. He probably had kicked it away with his feet. Giles took the comforter and spread it over Xander. He made sure he covered all the trembling body.   
  
As he was tucking the comforter around Xander's shoulders, he felt Xander relax under his touch. Giles looked at Xander's face as it loosened up from that rigid expression he had. He found himself smiling tenderly. He ran his hand along Xander's side and enjoyed how Xander was relaxing more and more into his touch. He almost forgot himself when the wall clock rang announcing that it was 3 o'clock.   
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
Pancakes. It had to be pancakes. It smelled like pancakes. But... his mom never made pancakes. His mom never came near the oven. She always made sure she kept a four meter distance between her and the evil thing.   
  
Was it Joyce? Yeah, right, like she would come over to his house and serve them a healthy breakfast. He pulled the blanket closer to him when he felt his back touching a squishy barrier. After few seconds of puzzlement, he realized he was sleeping on a couch. A couch? The Summers' couch? So it was Joyce after all?  
  
"I know you're awake," Giles' voice hit his ears.  
  
What was Giles doing at Buffy's house? What was  _Xander_  doing at Buffy's house? He grudgingly opened his eyes and wiped them to clear the fog. Blinking, he took a good look at his surroundings and oh… it was Giles'. He wasn't sure if what he felt was actually disappointment because it wasn't Buffy's place.   
  
"Why don't you go and wash up? Breakfast is almost ready."  
  
He blinked some more before he felt his stomach clench. Lucky stomach was getting pancakes this morning. Suddenly feeling energized, he got up and left the blanket draped over the back of the couch.   
  
He looked towards the kitchen and found Giles standing by the oven working on some eggs. Oh boy, he was having eggs too? That was… actually that was a little weird. It had this sort of… fuzzy warm feeling. It wasn't just that, he was in fact excited to get up and go to the bathroom while usually he would rather stay in bed.   
  
"Xander," Giles called his name. He looked at him and saw him nod to the right. "The bathroom."  
  
"Right," he exclaimed and rose up running towards the bathroom. He caught in the corner of his eye a glimpse of Giles shaking his head with a smile. Did Giles really smile? Or maybe Xander added the smile to the head shaking? But he could swear he saw Giles smiling too. Maybe it was just his imagination.   
  
He scoffed. So what if Giles smiled or not? It wasn't a big deal.  
  
He washed his face and, of course, he didn't have his toothbrush. His mouth smelled awful and had that bad post-sleep taste. So to have a refreshing mouth, he took Giles' toothpaste and put some of the paste on his finger before rubbing it all over his teeth. And his tongue. Yep, now he felt totally refreshed.  
  
The wonderful smell of pancakes and fried eggs reached his nose and made his stomach clench once more. He enthusiastically sat by the breakfast counter waiting for his plate.   
  
Giles raised an eyebrow. "Good morning?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, where's the food?" At Giles' look, he went on hesitantly, "Uh… good morning."  
  
When Giles nodded in approval, Xander whined, "Now can I eat? You know, they do arrest people who let other people die of starvation."  
  
Giles began putting some eggs in Xander's plate. "They do?" he asked amused.  
  
"Uh huh." Xander was looking hungrily at the pancakes. "Pancakes, Giles. Pancakes."  
  
"There's no need to be pushy," Giles said a little aggravated.  
  
Xander glared at him. Why did Giles always act like he was the most irritating kid in the planet?   
  
He attacked his plate eagerly. Those pancakes tasted strange. Giles must have added something to them because God they tasted so good!  
  
For some reason he knew Giles was watching him with wonder. He didn't care though. It wasn't often that he got such a wonderful breakfast. Why didn't his mom learn how to cook? There were many questions that started with 'why didn't his mom…?' running through his head but he chose to avoid them. This was 'happy morning with pancakes'. Nothing would ruin the mood.   
  
Except for Giles.  
  
"Have you called your parents and informed them about where you are?"  
  
His chewing was becoming slower and he stared at the remaining eggs in his plate. Well, the obvious answer was 'no' since Xander had fallen asleep before Giles went to bed. And even if he lied, Giles might check in the phone bill.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well… um-for one thing, they would expect me to be at a motel… uh…"  
  
Giles gave him a disapproving glare. "They must have been worried about you."  
  
A laugh escaped Xander's mouth, until his expression went a little bitter. "Of course, they would. Since they usually lock the door at 9 o'clock and never care where I'd end up." Was it sad how lies were coming so easily out of his mouth? Sometimes he forgot what most of them were. It didn't matter as long as people believed them.  
  
Giles' expression turned sympathetic. "Do you want me to talk to them?"  
  
No! Xander's mind screamed, but on the outside he remained calm. "Nah, they're just trying to teach me how to live in the real world."  
  
Giles nodded, before catching Xander's bandaged arm. "How's your wound?"  
  
Xander glanced at his arm. "Could barely feel it." He started eating his eggs.  
  
"I guess that's better than feeling the pain."  
  
Xander still hadn't chewed when he answered, "I dunno, I'd rather feel the pain than think I had lost it." It was good that it was his left arm, or he wouldn't have enjoyed this breakfast as it should be.  
  
"Don't talk with your mouth full," Giles instructed. He peeked at his watch. "You should finish up before you miss your first class."  
  
"But my arm," he whined. "I think I should skip school today."  
  
"Not while you're staying with me."  
  
Xander pouted. "But you're not my father. You can't order me around."  
  
"But what about your training? Oh right, you're injured, you can't possibly hold a sword properly." Giles took his empty plate to the sink and waited few seconds. One, two…  
  
"Hey, I guess I'm feeling better. I mean it's a little wound and school is important, you know."  
  
Giles smirked. He began washing the dishes and ordered Xander to wash his own. Xander obeyed against his will. Once they finished, Giles turned to Xander. "We should stop at your house to get your books…"  
  
"No need to. All the books I need today are in my locker." Couldn't the man give him one day without running into his parents on top of each other in the messy living room, snoring after a good night of booze?  
  
"Don't you want to change your clothes?" Giles asked with a grimace.   
  
Xander waved him off. "I go to school in yesterday's clothes all the times."  
  
Giles just shook his head without a comment.   
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
The broad sword fell on the floor again.  
  
"God! What the hell is wrong?" Xander complained looking furiously at his left arm. "I can't feel my arm at all!"  
  
Giles approached him concerned. "It appears to be that the Wahshaj's claws have some Sael Makintusha, the term in most of the demonic languages. It could mean a-an impassive chlordane of some sort. I-I'm not quite sure that's the suitable name to call it in English. In medical terms they call a similar state Local Anastasia, which I think is closer to the demonic meaning." He was examining Xander's hand while he uncertainly explained.   
  
Xander gave a desperate whimper. "Don't use Shakespearian language on me now."  
  
Giles sighed. "I told you I'm not sure how to choose the best vocabulary to describe it. However, your hand may remain like this for a day. Hopefully, tomorrow it will steadily return back to normal."   
  
Xander glared down at his numb arm. "Does that mean I can't train today?" he asked quietly.   
  
Giles regarded him for a while before his eyes narrowed in fake anger. "I hope this is not your way of avoiding the session."  
  
Xander looked up astonished.   
  
"I have been training Buffy for three years and I know all the excuses by now."  
  
"But I keep dropping the sword."  
  
Giles' eyes softened. "You do lack balance, Xander. Perhaps today is the best time to teach you how to control that." He kneeled down easily picked the heavy sword with his right hand. "Your full control must center on your right hand. You don't need your left hand to hold a sword."  
  
Xander grinned. "Unless you're left handed."   
  
Giles wanted to scold Xander's attempt of humor, but he smiled instead. "Of course," he replied before he dropped the sword. "Now you try."  
  
Xander knelt down unsurely. "Confidence," he heard Giles instruct. He swallowed a lump then looked at the sword on the floor. His hand closed around the end, and with a strong grip, he lifted the heavy sword upward. His hand shook slightly for a second during the process, but other than that, he kept his balance.  
  
Giles nodded as he observed. "Not bad."  
  
Xander appeared disappointment at the comment. "I'll try again…"  
  
The library's doors burst open and Buffy and Willow walked inside. "Okay, Giles, let's get this over with," Buffy said. "I need most of the day for a prom dress hunt."   
  
Willow looked at her, pouting. "Are you sure I shouldn't come with you?"  
  
"Sorry, Will. Don't want anyone to see it before the prom. It's a bad luck thing." She nodded, before she carried on, "Like with grooms and wedding dresses."  
  
Willow nodded along, still pouting. She looked at the men standing in the middle of the library. Her eyes widened when she noticed Xander's torn sleeve with bandages underneath. "Oh my God, Xander, what happened?" Horrified, she dashed towards her friend and cradled the injured arm in her hands.  
  
"It's fine, Will," he tried to reassure her.   
  
Buffy walked towards them looking at Xander's arm. "Who did this?" she demanded in full Slayer mood.  
  
Giles took off his glasses, and rubbed his forehead. "We met up with a demon yesterday on the way back…"   
  
"Description?" Buffy asked looking about to head to the weapon hiding.   
  
Giles stared at her bewildered for a second. "It's okay, Buffy. We took care of it." He smiled at her, putting his glasses on.  
  
"Giles took care of it," Xander corrected quietly. It went unnoticed by anyone but Giles.   
  
"Does it hurt?" Willow asked Xander, concerned.   
  
"Yesterday, totally. Today, can't even feel it. It's supposed to be that way though. Giles said the effect will slowly loosen up tomorrow." Willow nodded at his explanation, her face still held worry though.  
  
"Alright then," Giles piped up. "Why don't we start? I'll go get my vest. Buffy, Xander, prepare yourselves."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Xander?"  
  
"Yep, I'm a combatant," Xander said cheerfully.   
  
"You know you don't have to," Buffy said.   
  
"I know, Buffy, but I want to."  
  
Buffy shrugged with a smile. "'kay, whatever you feel like."  
  
"So from now on, you two will train together?" Willow asked, excited.  
  
Xander nodded, grinning. "Why don't you tag along with the ride?"  
  
"I'm not sure. The witchcraft is all I can think of right now so…" she let the sentence hang.  
  
"I'd most certainly rather you leave the witchcraft, Willow. It's dangerous territory," Giles said as he came out of his office wearing his training vest.   
  
She brushed him off. "Oh chill, will you, Giles? I'm in full control. Besides, you already agreed about the whole thing."  
  
"Yes, but I'm not quite happy with it," Giles muttered.  
  
Buffy stretched her arms. "Okay, let's begin." She hurried over to Giles and swung her leg at him with half her strength. He dodged her easily. Not expecting that, she lost her balance and fell harshly on the floor.  
  
Willow winced and Xander shook his head. "Buff, that wasn’t very Slayer-y.” He placed a hand over his heart. “I have nothing more to live for now."  
  
Buffy glared at him.  
  
Giles chuckled and that got him a shocked look from Buffy. "I thought it was funny," he defended himself.  
  
He glanced at Xander and found him grinning at him. Giles couldn't help but smile back.  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

 


	3. Different Needs

** Part Three: **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander swung his sword skillfully at the Ghool demon splitting its head off its body. The demon's body fell down unmoving and Xander found himself gasping deeply. That was a hell of a fight. He heard the cheerful yelling and clapping and a grin found its way onto his face.  
  
Yesterday, Buffy had found the Ghool demon attacking a bunch of teenagers near the Bronze. She had tried defeating it but it seemed that a stake to the heart didn't do the trick. After some research, Giles found out that to kill a Ghool demon, a person must use a sword to detach its head from its body. Xander had asked them to let him deal with it. Of course, Buffy had refused because defeating demons was the job of the Slayer. And Willow thought it was too dangerous for Xander to do it alone.   
  
That was when Giles had announced that this was Xander's mission. Buffy and Willow had objected to this decision but Giles had replied that he had full confidence in Xander and his ability to do the job. It had to be dealt by a sword and Xander was the perfect man to do it.  
  
Xander turned around and found Buffy and Willow sitting on a tombstone where they had been watching. Giles was standing next to them. Xander didn't know if his grin could get any wider. Giles looked back at him filled with pride.  
  
He was proud of Xander.  _Of Xander._  He had to admit that Giles' confidence in him made him a little nervous. Xander had never done this before. He had never gone out there doing something heroic with everybody watching him, depending on him. It was the best feeling he had ever had in his life.   
  
Almost three weeks had passed with Xander learning how to fight using a sword. He had learned to appreciate the basics, which he used to think were unnecessary, and realized that without them, he would have never progressed this far. Buffy was very impressed with his hidden talents that only needed a teacher's helping hand to make them improve.  
  
Xander returned Giles' proud smile with a grateful one. If it hadn't been for that man standing over there, he would have still been a-nobody. An annoying little bug that could be squashed any second. But Giles made him a-somebody. He made him useful. And for some reason he made him feel wanted.  
  
For a while after the whole fluke with Willow, things weren't going nicely with Xander. In order to get her relationship with Oz back on track, Willow had had to avoid Xander for a short time. Buffy wasn't always around as she had to take care of her shaky relationship with Angel, not to mention Faith's betrayal. So for a while, Xander was alone even when no body seemed to notice.   
  
Now he had asked Giles to train him, life was becoming good again. He had been staying with Giles for two weeks now. They both liked to think of it as temporary and keep calling the nights he would stay with Giles 'sleep-overs'. But Xander knew, even when most of his stuff were still at his parents' house, that it was going to be permanent. Well, until he decided to move out.  
  
It hadn't really shocked him that his parents hadn't noticed his absence or tried to contact with him. However, he made sure  _Giles_  didn't notice that.   
  
This arrangement was taken when Xander made a slip about his father having a whip. Of course, he had lied right afterwards so it wouldn't sound like a big deal and thought that Giles had fallen for it. But when Giles asked him to spend the night at his apartment, Xander knew the he hadn't believed him. It was probably the lame reason Giles told him to make him stay that led Xander to realize that.   
  
Best thing about staying at Giles' was the food. In the morning he would have sausage, or waffles, or pancakes or omelets. Sometimes all of them together. In the evening, he would sometimes get to have dinner in those big fancy restaurants and eat all the kinds of meat he liked.   
  
At night, he always made sure to sleep early on the couch especially when Giles wanted to sit in the living room and read. He would pretend he was sleeping and would kick the blanket off of him then wait for Giles to come over and cover him up again. That because the man would sit next to him and rub small circles on his back. The feeling of that hand on his back always made him feel warmer and, well, for some reason… um… safer.   
  
Xander sometimes felt silly about these feelings he had inside, but he couldn't help them. From the day he had known Giles; he had always respected him and looked up to him. He had also grown to care about him a lot. But it was never the way he felt about him now. Right now it was different. It was somewhat scary but for the most part it felt nice. Xander thought he should enjoy it as much as he could because…   
  
His thoughts were interrupted by Willow's sudden hug.  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
A warm feeling spread over Giles when Xander returned his smile with an obliged look. Teaching the him how to use a sword was quite tiring at first but later Giles had discovered that for Xander to do better, he had to be complemented. Whenever Giles scolded at him, he would become anxious and make another mistake. But when he was more tolerant with him, Xander would be sure of himself and progress without faults. He recognized the same thing with Buffy and Willow.  
  
Giles had never thought that spending most of his time teaching Xander would make him regain his self-assurance as well. With Wesley around, Giles had lost his rights over Buffy. Even when she paid more attention to him than she did with Wesley, she wasn't officially his anymore. Xander, though, was his.  
  
It didn't take Giles a long time to see the truth about Xander's home life. Xander let it slip once or twice before going completely rigid. Giles would always pretend to be ignorant about it so not to make Xander uncomfortable. He would, however, ask Xander to spend the night at his apartment for the sake of Xander's sword-fighting teachings. He made up a lie about observing Xander's movements and how it was important for his balance.   
  
It was quite shocking how he had grown so attached to Xander. He couldn't find an answer to why Xander's cheerful presence used to be a source of annoyance to him in the past. Nor why he rarely used to find Xander's jokes to be funny or how he never appreciated his wit. He had never imagined that one day he would love going back to his flat in order to spend more time with Xander alone.   
  
Giles watched Willow rush towards Xander and hug him. In her sweet mannerism, she babbled about how good her friend looked when he defeated the demon.   
  
She wasn't mistaken, Giles reflected. Xander had looked 'good' fighting there by himself, swinging and thrusting his sword around. It wasn't like watching Buffy fight. It was somehow different with Xander.  
  
How had it never crossed his mind before that Xander was physically suited to fight? He had a fine built. Giles remembered the time when Xander had came out of the bathroom with only his sweatpants on complaining that his shirt had fallen down on the wet floor. Giles had noticed the play of muscles in Xander's chest and arms which were always hidden under his wide colorful shirts. Giles wondered why such a good looking young man would hide himself. He had gotten his answer when Xander turned around making faded marks had covered his back and the back of his upper arms stand out against his skin.   
  
It was probably the first time Giles had gotten this furious over something that concerned Xander's wellbeing. He had almost broken the glass in his hand. However, he let out all his frustration on poor Xander, who stood bewildered wondering what he had done wrong this time.   
  
Giles watched Buffy pat her friend on the shoulder as she told him that he owed her for not interfering even though her Slayer 'spider-sense' was 'kicking full time'. Xander made an inappropriate joke and Giles chuckled. Nevertheless, Buffy didn't find it amusing and punched Xander's arm hard.   
  
The girls began walking away and Xander waited for him. Giles moved forwards until he was shoulder to shoulder with Xander and they walked towards his flat. The feel of Xander next to him so excitedly talking had reminded Giles of the times when Jenny was alive. He had grown fond of her obsession with computers and the way she kept babbling about the scientific developments even if he didn't agree with, or understand, most of what she said.   
  
With Xander it was a little like that, but the babble seemed to be about anything rather than a specific subject. He smiled looking down at Xander beside him as he described how stupid the demon was when he hadn't ducked his 'not-so-quickly' strike.   
  
Giles wished that after this fight Xander would be tired and sleep early. He would pretend to read a book in the living room to watch Xander while he slept, listen to his soft breathing, cover him up once he dropped his comforter and rub his back occasionally.  
  
  
  
  
  


~*~*~*~

  
  
  
  
  
  
"Giles?"  
  
Giles turned around to look at Buffy. She was sitting in his office for a while and he suspected that she had something to say. "Yes, Buffy?"  
  
She looked a little hesitant before she said, "I'm thinking about ditching training today. I want to spend the whole day gift shopping for Dad, if it's okay with you."  
  
Giles wasn't even going to ask her why. He knew he wasn't supposed to feel this way, but with her away, it would only be him and Xander in the library. Of course, training Buffy should come first, but the desire to be left alone with Xander overcame his rational thinking.   
  
"It's alright, Buffy. You can leave," he said with a smile.  
  
She beamed. "Thanks, Giles. I swear I'll make up for it tomorrow."  
  
Giles nodded and watched her leave. He returned his attention back to his book, hoping to find more information on the Mayor's ascension.   
  
"Giles!" He heard Xander calling his name.   
  
Smiling, he yelled back, "I'm coming, Xander. Grab your sword. It'll be just you and me today." He put down the book.   
  
"Giles," Xander said softly from behind him. Giles turned around and found him standing by the door of his small office with a gift in his hands. He looked confused at the neatly warped gift, before giving Xander a raised eyebrow.  
  
Xander looked at him with affection. "I just wanna say, and I'm not good with words but… " He gave an uncomfortable chuckle. "This is gonna be hard."  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Look, all my life I had few people who really cared about me. Most were my age. My parents… well, you know. I never had an adult who really cared whether I were dead or alive. You… you're the only adult who gave me his full attention, who listened to me and took me seriously. Around you I feel… well, wanted. What I'm trying to say is you're treating me a million times better than my dad. So…"  
  
Giles felt his chest tighten throughout the speech. He anticipated what Xander was about to say, but still had some hope he would say something else. "Wha.. who…"  
  
"For father's day I thought…"  
  
Giles could barely breathe as if all the air was sucked out. He felt himself suffocate and was about to lose his balance, but fortunately he was supported by his hand bearing heavily on his desk.   
  
Xander smiled bashfully, extending the gift to Giles. "Here."  
  
Giles stared at the gift like it was the most hideous object he had ever laid eyes on in his entire life. It was. For it represented something he was not. Something he didn't want to be. Would never be. It wasn't only the gift that shook him so hard. Xander's hopeful and happy smile as he looked up at him had throttled him more. Those hazel eyes full of adoration, that Giles was wishing for but for different reasons, were killing him the most.  
  
He wanted to run out of here. He couldn't stand looking at Xander that way. The only thing he could do was turn around so he wouldn't look at the admiring eyes, and so he willingly did.   
  
"I can't," he whispered.  
  
"Huh?" Xander's confused voice hit him like bells.   
  
"I don't think of you that way, Xander. I can never accept it." His heart clenched. The most frightening thing in the world right now would be looking at Xander's expression.   
  
"Oh," disappointment and hurt covered that 'Oh' and Giles wanted nothing but to run away. Right now Giles was sure that Xander would pretend everything was normal and would try to make him take the gift.   
  
"But it doesn't…"   
  
And he was right.   
  
"I have no interest in becoming a father to you. So you may as well leave now," Giles said with assertion.  
  
A deadly silence shadowed the place for seconds before Xander's voice rose, "Oh, don't flatter yourself, all right? I wasn't asking you  _that_  again, I just wanted you to take it regardless to what it means." Giles realized that he had crushed Xander's pride and wasn't surprised Xander would retort vulgarly. It had always fascinated him how such an insecure boy would have such great sense of pride inside.   
  
"I'm sorry if what I asked was so horrible it got this reaction from you. Don't worry, I'll get out of your sight," the quiver in the last spoken sentence broke Giles more than anything. It reminded him of the times when he used to yell at Xander for every little mistake he did. The times before he had gotten to know him so well.  
  
He heard the angry footsteps walk outside of the library and bit his lower lip when the sound of swinging doors reached his ear.  
  
It was clear that Xander was feeling unwanted and rejected again. God knew that was the last thing Giles wanted him to feel. He knew from now on, their relationship would take another unpleasant turn. Xander's crushed pride would not allow him to ask for Giles' help again. He would probably not talk to him or have eye contact for a while to come.  
  
Giles gave a bitter chuckle. Both of them were pathetic, looking for different needs in each other. However, he could hardly blame Xander. He had found the attention he looked for in the man who presented the authority figure role in their small group.  
  
As for him, well, what could he say? Really, Rupert, lusting after a child?  
  
He wished for many things right now, including turning back time so he could mend whatever led to this. Nonetheless, his strongest wish was that Xander would never have asked for training, because that way he wouldn't even be thinking of Xander Harris as anything but the annoying brat.  
  
He wished for many but for Xander to think of him as a father. That alone made it impossible for Giles to reach his expectations.  
  
  
  
 **The End**


End file.
